I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
