whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I looked at my own cervix.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
