Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
