he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
