You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
