ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
