Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
