Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
