She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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