we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
