If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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