You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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