I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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