Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
