I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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