Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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