thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
