I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
