I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
