i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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