I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
