moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
