I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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