We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
