I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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