If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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