part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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