I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
