He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
