that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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