oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
