I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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