You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
