I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
