We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
