Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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