Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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