Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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