I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i now understand why vodka
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
