Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
