i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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