I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
