I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
