I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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