I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
