She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
