Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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