the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
