Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
