waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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