It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
