I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
