went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
