Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
