If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
