Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
