Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Randomize
