NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
