i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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