I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
