I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
