going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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