Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Barsexuality is the new black.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
