What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
