I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
