you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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