We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
