I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
