yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
