We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
