Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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