does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
