don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
