the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
