Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
