I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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