We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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