yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
