There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
now i know why i became what i already was.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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