he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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