no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
