it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
