i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
