well I can't set my house on fire every night
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
