We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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