dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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