did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
