we're blogging at a bar
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
